


The Beginning - As Described By a (Slightly Incompetent) Angel and Demon

by Phoenix_Rose



Series: History - As Described By a (Slightly Incompetent) Angel and Demon [1]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Az finally gets to talk about the Garden of Eden, Other, Pre-Slash, they're in love - they just haven't noticed it yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 09:37:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19374064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Rose/pseuds/Phoenix_Rose
Summary: “So,” Anathema said, sipping from the cup of tea Aziraphale had miracled up.  She was comfortable on the couch of his bookshop’s backroom, having finally taken him up on the invite, a few months after the first day of the rest of their lives.  “In the Beginning, you-” she pointed at Crowley “-were a snake, and you-” she nodded at Aziraphale “-were on apple tree duty.”





	The Beginning - As Described By a (Slightly Incompetent) Angel and Demon

**Author's Note:**

> So! I watched (and read) Good Omens and I freakin' loved it! Obviously, that means I decided to write for it, too. This is my first try, so play nice.
> 
> (And don't worry about me abandoning my other fandoms. GO writing is my destresser. Like a pallet cleanser. Currently, I'm using it to get over writer's block.)
> 
> (...And if someone knows how to make footnotes work... Hit me up?)
> 
> Love, Phoenix xxx

_“Well, he was a..._ wily _old serpent,” Aziraphale said, more than a hint of fondness in his tone, “and I was - technically - on apple tree duty-”_

_Crowley shook his head exasperatedly and hushed him.  Aziraphale pressed his lips together and sent him a look that said, ‘Sorry, my dear, got a little carried away.’_

_ And Anathema sent them both a look that said, ‘If we all get out of this alive, I’ll get it all out of you somehow.’ [1]_

  

***

 

 “So,” Anathema said, sipping from the cup of tea Aziraphale had miracled up.  She was comfortable on the couch of his bookshop’s backroom, having finally taken him up on the invite, a few months after the first day of the rest of their lives.  “In the Beginning, you-” she pointed at Crowley “-were a snake, and you-” she nodded at Aziraphale “-were on apple tree duty.”

“Oh, yes.”  Aziraphale smiled as if lost in pleasant memories.  “Simpler times, my dear girl, simpler times.  Adam and Eve - such a lovely couple.  And Eden… Just _beautiful_ , wasn’t it, dear.”

Crowley shrugged.  “It was alright, I suppose.”

The angel tutted and looked conspiratorially at Anathema.   “He pretends he doesn’t like it, because he was the one who tempted them, but he was rather taken with all the plants.  The ferns, especially, wasn’t it?”

“And the lilies,” Crowley admitted, reluctantly.

“He tempted them?  I thought that was-”

“Don’t ssssay his name,” Crowley cut in quickly.  The very last thing he needed was for Down There to start noticing him again.

“Oh, yes,” Aziraphale said, tactfully breezing past the awkward silence.  “And then he comes up to me, without introducing himself, changes form from snake to man, and says, ‘Well, that went down like a lead balloon’ - as if he didn’t know what was going to happen!”  He looked to Anathema for commiseration and then smiled ruefully. [2]

Crowley hummed and looked sternly at his teacup.  Knowing what was good for it, it quickly turned itself into a glass of wine.  “Nice story, Angel,” he said, taking a sip and upping the vintage a little, “but you remember, I didn’t need to introduce myself, did I?  That wasn’t quite the first meeting, was it?”

Aziraphale’s smile dropped a little at the edges before becoming fixed, and two spots of rosy pink bloomed high in his cheeks.  His tea, also, turned into wine.  “I’m quite sure I don’t know what you mean, dear boy,” he said tightly.

“Liar,” Crowley drawled.  He drew out the syllables and savoured the taste, and how the angel’s blush deepened.  Anathema watched them intently, one brow raised, before looking expectantly at her tea.  Crowley nodded approvingly and snapped his fingers for her before getting back to the matter at hand.  “Six millennia, Angel, and you still can’t lie.”

“You said it yourself, Crowley - I’m an _angel_.  I’m not built for lying any more than you are.  And you get more practice.”

“Go on,” Anathema said, waving a hand at them.  “How did you really meet?”  She kicked off her slippers, tucked her feet underneath her, and took a sip of her wine.

 

***

 

Aziraphale the Cherub, guardian of the Eastern Gate, currently on apple tree duty, looked left and then right.  Satisfied that no one was watching, he let out a relieved sigh and laid down his sword.  He let the hilt rest against the wall and took a few steps away, where he couldn’t knock it over.  His wings were cramped as anything, unused to being confined to this little human body, and he was simply desperate to stretch them out.  And so, with a little twitch of his head, out they came, more than a little ruffled and terribly achy, and covered with enough sand to make them more red than white.  He shook them out irritably, coughing a little as the dust tickled his throat, and decided that, tonight, no matter what Gabriel might have said, he was going for a fly.  Maybe he’d go earlier, as soon as someone came to relieve him from his shift.

It was when he tucked them away and reached back for his sword that he spotted a small snake, curled up around the tip.  He beamed at it and waved.  “Hello, Brother Snake!”  The snake raised its head and looked at him; if snakes could look unimpressed, this one certainly did. [3]  Aziraphale blinked at it, a little unsure, but pressed on.  “Having a rest, I see.”  The snake looked at him.  He looked at the snake.  “It’s just, well, I need to take my sword back, now - I’m on patrol, you see?  And if Gabriel spots me slacking, he’ll send a strongly worded note.”  Giving the snake a moment to comprehend this, he reached slowly for the sword.

The snake hissed loudly, showing off its fangs.

“Oh,” Aziraphale said shakily, snatching his hand back.  “Those are impressive, aren’t they?”  The snake closed its mouth and cocked its head at him.  Aziraphale swallowed.  “I  You’re not poisonous, are you?  Because if I get discorporated by a snake…”  He shivered delicately at the thought of decades worth of paperwork and then gave the snake a stern look.  “I really need that sword.  If you’re cold…”  He thought for a moment before coming up with his idea.  “Stay wrapped around the hilt.  It’ll be quite warm there, I should think.  I’ll even light it up for you.”

The snake hesitated briefly and then, rather sleepily, curled itself around it.  Aziraphale let out a relieved breath before taking up the sword.  It burst into blue flames the moment he thought about it.  In less than a second, the snake was away from the flames and around his wrist and forearm.  Understandable, really.  Apart from a tense moment where he didn’t know if he was about to be bitten, he paid it no mind.

 

“You know,” he said a little while later, “I don’t think I’ve seen a snake quite like you in all the rest of the garden.”

The snake looked at him.  Its tongue flickered out.  Aziraphale took this to mean he was listening and carried on conversationally, “Yes, you really are quite unique.  And lovely, too!  Your eyes, for one, are perfectly exquisite, my dear.  They’re like…  Have you come across gold, yet?  Or amber, perhaps?”

The snake yawned at him.

Aziraphale sighed happily.  “What about butterflies?  They’re wonderful, too.  Have you seen any?”  He himself was rather enchanted by butterflies that came over the wall to flutter in front of his nose.  He smiled, thinking about it, and then squinted suspiciously at the snake.  “You don’t eat them, do you?  No, I didn’t think so.  Far too lovely for eating, I think.  All sorts of colours.  There’s one that comes to visit, a little blue one.  Just like the sky…”

 

The snake had been resting for about an hour, warmed by the flickering flames of the sword, with Aziraphale patrolling slowly and commenting on the bits he liked best of the garden. [4]  He stretched out and lifted his head to look the angel in the eyes.  The angel came to a halt as he said, “You know I’m not a real snake, don’t you?”

Aziraphale smiled sheepishly.  “I did suspect.  You’re… more expressive than other snakes, my dear.”

He stared at him.  “And you haven’t smote me.”

“Well…”  Aziraphale shrugged.  “It didn’t seem very sporting to smite you when you were having a nap.  And it’s been such a while since I’ve had someone to talk to.  Besides, you weren’t doing anything Bad, were you?”

“Not right then,” he admitted.

“Well then,” the angel said briskly, “no harm, no foul.”  The snake blinked and he tsked.  “You don’t tell my superiors, and I won’t tell yours.  Go on, get a wiggle on.”

_Get a wiggle on,_ he thought incredulously, but he moved away all the same.

 

***

 

Crowley grinned.  “Right from the start, you were making excuses for demons.”

“I was _lonely_ ,” Aziraphale protested, blushing harder.  “They didn’t often come to check in on me.  Anyway,” he added, a little sulky, _“_ _you’re_ the demon who decided to have a nap on an angel.”

Anathema laughed at them, and her glasses fell back as she threw her head back.  The wine had gone to her head a little faster than Crowley had expected to, but that wasn’t his fault.  “So,” she said, smirking slyly, “what do you think of his eyes now, Az- Azi- Azi?”

“Oh!”  Aziraphale looked intently at Crowley as if he could see behind his glasses.  “Have you changed them, my dear?  You never mentioned.  I didn’t know you _could_ change them.”

“No, angel,” he sighed, shooting Anathema a glare.   “I can’t change them.”  He took off his glasses and put them aside, just to rid Aziraphale of the slightly disappointed look he was trying - and failing - to hide. [5]

The angel perked up immediately.  “They’re just as lovely as they were then,” he assured Anathema.  Then, looking back at Crowley, said, “You don’t have to put the glasses back on if you don’t want to.  It’s only us.”  Crowley let out a little hiss but, feeling a little vulnerable, left his glasses on the table.

Aziraphale seemed a little soberer than he had thirty seconds ago.  “As I said,” he said, smiling softly, “simply exquisite.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1 Anathema had an impressive repertoire of Looks, capitalised, and no qualms about using them if necessary. [return to text]
> 
> 2If asked what, precisely, the smile meant, Anathema would have made a guess along the lines of  _well, he might be responsible for the Original Sin, but what can you do?  We all have our little quirks._ [ return to text]
> 
> 3Most snakes can’t look unimpressed but, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, this was no ordinary snake.  And he was very unimpressed at being woken by an over-enthusiastic angel.  [ return to text]
> 
> 4 This was most of it, especially the more colourful things, apart from the Eastern Gate, which he was getting a little tired of.  [ return to text]
> 
> 5 Aziraphale would have to be six bottles in before he admitted it, but he really did adore Crowley’s eyes.  And Crowley, though he’d likely be discorporated before he admitted it, quite liked that Aziraphale liked them. [ return to text]


End file.
